The Wolf Is At The Door, Inc.

Rescue Recorded Message  

When you have finally opened your doors, and are accepting rescue wolf-dog hybrids, you will soon want to put this on your message machine.

You have reached the wolf-dog hybrid rescue phone. Due to the high volume of calls we have been receiving, please listen closely to the following options and choose the one that best describes your situation:  

Press 1: if you think we are veterinarians and want free medical advice.  

Press 2: if you know we are a rescue organization but want to save money and have us give you free, untrained medical advice anyway.  

Press 3: if you make $200,000 a year but still want us to pay to spay the "stray" in your yard (house).  

Press 4: if you have a 10-year-old Wolf-dog Hybrid and your 15-year-old son has suddenly become allergic and you need to find the Wolf-dog Hybrid a new home right away.  

Press 5: if you have three Wolf-dog Hybrids, had a baby and want to get rid of your animal because you are the only person in the world to have a baby and Wolf-dog Hybrids at the same time.  

Press 6: if you have three Wolf-dog Hybrids, had a baby and want to place the baby.  

Press 7: if you have a dying Wolf-dog Hybrid and you want to place it into another home so you can save the medical costs and not go through the trauma of watching it die.  

Press 8: if you just got a brand new puppy and your old Wolf-dog Hybrid is having problems adjusting so you want to get rid of the old one right away.  

Press 9: if your Wolf-dog Hybrid puppy has grown up and is no longer small and cute and you want to trade it in for a new model.

Press 10: if you are elderly and want to adopt a Wolf-dog Hybrid puppy who is not active and is going to outlive you.  

Press 11: if your relative has died and you don't want to care for their elderly Wolf-dog Hybrid because it doesn't fit your lifestyle.  

Press 12: if you are moving today and need to immediately place your 110 pound, 8-year-old Wolf-dog Hybrid.  

Press 13: if you want an unpaid volunteer to come to your home right now and pick up the Wolf-dog Hybrid you no longer want.  

Press 14: if you have been feeding and caring for a "stray" for the last year, are moving and suddenly determine it's not your Wolf-dog Hybrid.  

Press 15: if you are calling at 6 a.m. to make sure you wake me up before I have to go to work so I can come and get your Wolf-dog Hybrid before you leave for work.  

Press 16: to leave us an anonymous garbled message, letting us know you have left a Wolf-dog Hybrid in our yard in the middle of January, which is in fact, better than just leaving the animal with no message.  

Press 17: if you are going to get angry because we are not going to take your Wolf-dog Hybrid that you have had for fifteen years, because it is YOUR responsibility, not ours.  

Press 18: if you are going to threaten to take your ten year old Wolf-dog Hybrid to be euthanized because I won't take it.

Press 19: if you're going to get angry because the directors had the audacity to go on vacation and leave the Wolf-dog Hybrids in ther care of a trusted volunteer who is not authorized to take your personal pet.  

Press 20: if you want one of our perfectly trained, housebroken, kid and cat friendly high content Wolf-dog Hybrids that we have such an over abundance of.  

Press 21: if you want us to take your Wolf-dog Hybrid that has a small aggression problem, (i.e. has only bitten 5 people and killed your neighbor's cats).  

Press 22: if you have already called once and been told we don't take personal surrenders but thought you would get a different person this time with a different answer.  

Press 23: if you want us to use space that would go to a rescue to board your personal Wolf-dog Hybrid while you are on vacation, free of charge, of course.  

Press 24: if it is Christmas Eve or Easter morning and you want me to deliver an eight week old Wolf-dog Hybrid puppy to your house by 6:30 a.m., before your kids wake up.  

Press 25: if you want us to take your female Wolf-dog Hybrid who has already had ten litters, but we can't spay her because she is pregnant again and it is against your religion.  

Press 26: if you're lying to make one of our younger volunteers feel bad and take your personal animal off your hands. 

Press 27: if your two year old male Wolf-dog Hybrid is marking all over your house, but you just haven't gotten around to having him neutered.  

Press 28: if you have an intact outdoor only Wolf-dog Hybrid that is allowed to roam and are calling because she is suddenly pregnant.  

Press 29: if you have done "everything" to housebreak your Wolf-dog Hybrid and have had no success, but you don't want to crate the animal because it is cruel.  

Press 30: if your 5 year old Wolf-dog Hybrid doesn't match your new furniture and you need a different color or size.  

And finally, press 31: if your new boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't like your 8 year old Wolf-dog Hybrid and you are too stupid to get rid of the new friend (who will dump you in the next month anyway) instead of the animal.